2017 Japanese Grand Prix - Predicament Predictions!

[Rob Dylan]

Welcome™ to the 2017™ Japanese™ Grand™ Prix™ Predicament™ Predictions™!™

I haven't checked the forecast, but we're here this weekend at sunny / rainy Suzuka, with a chance for everyone to win, except the slower drivers and cars who won't win. Suzuka has had many great races in the past, like the one where the guy's wheel fell off and it was funny, or the other one where the guys crashed and then the other one won who nobody knew but then he didn't win again but it was still good because he won that one race. Good times. This next race could be just like that! Get your predictions in before FP3 or there will be major penalties envoked*!
*Major penalties may or may not be envoked

1. Sebastian Vettel
2. Kimi Räikönnen
3. Max Verstappen
4. Lewis Hamilton
5. Daniel Ricciardo
6. Valtteri Bottas
7. Lance Stroll
8. Stoffel Vandoorne
9. Pierre Gasly
10. Felipe Massa

Pole Position: Sebastian Vettel
Fastest lap: Sebastian Vettel
First retirement: Fernando Alonso (and it will be a replica of 2012)
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Fernando Alonso
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Pierre Gasly (Sainz is nowhere all race)
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Fernando Alonso
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Lance Stroll
Did Not Start (DNS): N/A

As usual, a point is available for the funniest alternative race title, and double points are free to use for anyone who hasn't used them yet. Good luck!

[UncreativeUsername37]

1. Hamilton
2. Bottas
3. Vettel
4. Räikkönen
5. Verstappen
6. Ricciardo
7. Pérez
8. Ocon
9. Massa
10. Hülkenberg

Pole: Hamilton
FL: Vettel
First retirement: Vandoorne
ROTR: Toro Rosso
IIDOTR: Gasly
DBTMOTR: Palmer
MLP: Ocon
DNS: Alonso

[pasta_maldonado]

1. Vettel
2. Verstappen
3. Ricciardo
4. Räikkönen
5. Bottas
6. Vandoorne
7. Perez
8. Gasly
9. Ocon
10. Hülkenberg

Pole: Hamilton
FL: Vettel
First retirement: Palmer
ROTR: Hamilton's engine
IIDOTR: Vandoorne
DBTMOTR: Bottas
MLP: Gasly
DNS: 0

[Enforcer]

1. Vettel
2. Hamilton
3. Verstappen
4. Raikkonen
5. Ricciardo
6. Valtteri Bottas
7. Perez
8. Ocon
9. Hulkenberg
10. Massa

Pole Position: Vettel
Fastest lap: Vettel
First retirement: Eriksson
ROTR: Honda
IIDOTR: Gasly
DBTMOTR: Palmer
MLP: Lance Stroll
DNS: None

[Peteroli34]

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap:
First retirement:
ROTR: The Weather
IIDOTR: The teams for holding a race using shopping trollies and it being the best race we have had all year.
DBTMOTR:
MLP:
DNS: Everyone

[Ataxia]

2017 I'm surprised nobody's quoted a Vapors song yet Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Ricciardo
3. Verstappen
4. Vettel
5. Perez
6. Massa
7. Alonso
8. Ocon
9. Sainz
10. Stroll

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Verstappen
First retirement: Bottas
ROTR: Bottas
IIDOTR: Massa
DBTMOTR: Vandoorne
MLP: I can never remember if Ocon counts
DNS: None

[Rob Dylan]

Just to clarify, this year, Ocon counts!

[tommykl]

2017 I'm surprised nobody's quoted a Vapors song yet Grand Prix

2017 Quoting the Vapors is quite fun, I really think so Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Vettel
3. Ricciardo
4. Räikkönen
5. Verstappen
6. Ocon
7. Grosjean
8. Pérez
9. Hülkenberg
10. Sainz

Pole Position: Bottas
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Bottas
ROTR: Magnussen
IIDOTR: Grosjean
DBTMOTR: Magnussen
MLP: Ocon
DNS: None

[Normal32]

Double points please.

---
2017 Ryukyu "The Three Mountains" Grand Prix

1. Sebastian Vettel
2. Lewis Hamilton
3. Kimi Raikkonen
4. Pierre Gasly
5. Max Verstappen
6. Valterri Bottas
7. Pascal Wehrlein
8. Esteban Ocon
9. Felipe Massa
10. Daniel Ricciardo

Pole Position: RAI
Fastest lap: GAS
First retirement: STR
ROTR: SAI
IIDOTR: GAS
DBTMOTR: SAI
MLP: GAS
DNS: STR

[FullMetalJack]

2017 'No winners this time on Takeshi's Castle' Grand Prix

1. Vettel
2. Hamilton
3. Verstappen
4. Ricciardo
5. Raikkonen
6. Bottas
7. Hulkenberg
8. Ocon
9. Alonso
10. Vandoorne

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest Lap: Vettel
First retirement: Perez
ROTR: Perez
IIDOTR: Alonso
DBTMOTR: Palmer
MLP: Ocon
DNS: None

[This Could Be You]

2017 "Nakajima Satoru Matsushita Noboharu F1 Super Licence" (yay obscure Japanese F1 game references!) Japanese GP
1. HAM
2. VET
3. VER
4. RIC
5. BOT
6. RAI
7. PER
8. VAN
9. OCO
10. ALO
Pole: Hamilton
Fastest Lap: Ricciardo
First Retirement: Gasly
RoTR: Haas (poor form + Sepang compensation saga)
IIDoTR: difficult to say, but probably Mclaren for breaking their recent Suzuka curse
DBToTR: Palmer, of course
MLP: Vandoorne
DNS: None

[dinizintheoven]

2017 'No winners this time on Takeshi's Castle' Grand Prix

Hey... as my old dad used to say, if you smoke crack on the set of Coronation Street, you're a total smeg head! Sayonara.

*twangy music*

[Dexter249]

2017 GAMMU TAPU DESUMATCHU Memorial Grand Prix
1. Alonso BOLD MOVE
2. Vandoorne
3. Hammertime
4. Lance Stroll
5. Sebastian Vettel
6. Kimi
7-8. Pink Guy Racing
9-10. NASCAR Team

Pole : Vettel
Fastest Lap : STOP! Hammertime
First Retirement : Bottas, Valterri Bottas
ROTR : Bottas
IIDOTR : McHonda
DBTMOTR : Bottas
MLP : Stoffel Vandoorne
DNS : Bottas' Qualifying Car.

[Bobby Doorknobs]

2016 Japanese Grand Prix

1. Rosberg
2. Verstappen
3. Hamilton
4. Vettel
5. Raikkonen
6. Ricciardo
7. Pérez
8. Hulkenberg
9. Massa
10. Bottas

Pole: Rosberg
Fastest Lap: Vettel
First Retirement: N/A
ROTR: McLaren-Honda
IIDOTR: Palmer
DBTMOTR: Gutiérrez
MLP: Palmer
DNS: N/A

[Aislabie]

2017 300km of Sakitto

1/ Hamilton
2/ Vettel
3/ Ricciardo
4/ Verstappen
5/ Bottas
6/ Raikkonen
7/ Ocon
8/ Perez
9/ Hulkenberg
10/ Vandoorne

Pole - Hamilton
FLap - Hamilton
Retirement - Gasly
ROTR - Williams
IIDOTR - Vandoorne
DBTM - Palmer
MLP - Ocon
DNS - None

[dr-baker]

2017 Grand Prix of the Land of the Rising Sun, held at Hondaland

1. Hamilton
2. Bottas
3. Vettel
4. Raikkonen
5. Ricciardo
6. Perez
7. Ocon
8. Alonso
9. Massa
10. Gasly

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Alonso
First retirement: Verstappen
ROTR: Vettel, for his collision with [insert name of victim here]
IIDOTR: Gasly
DBTMOTR: Palmer
MLP: Ocon
DNS: Kvyat...

[TheFlyingCaterham]

2017 *expletive* Weebs Grand Prix

1. Sebastian Vettel
2. Lewis Hamilton
3. Valtteri Bottas
4. Max Verstappen
5. Daniel Ricciardo
6. Kimi Raikkonen
7. Fernando Alonso
8. Stoffel Vandoorne
9. Sergio Perez
10. Nico Hulkenberg

Pole Position: Sebastian Vettel
Fastest lap: Lewis Hamilton
First retirement: Esteban Ocon
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Lance Stroll
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): McLaren
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Jolyon Palmer
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Stoffel Vandoorne
Did Not Start (DNS): Kvyat

[yannicksamlad]

2017 All Japan Cherry Blossom Grand Prix

1. Kimi Räikönnen
2. Sebastian Vettel
3. Lewis Hamilton
4. Daniel Ricciardo
5. Max Verstappen
6. Valtteri Bottas
7. Sergio Perez
8.Esteban Ocon
9. Fernando Alonso
10. Stoffel Vandoorne

Pole Position: Sebastian Vettel
Fastest lap: Kimi Raikonnen
First retirement: Romain Grosjean
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Marcus Ericsson
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Stoffel Vandoorne
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Marcus Ericsson
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Esteban Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): N/A

[Aguvazk]

2017 Saint Seiya GP

1. Vettel
2. Raikkonen
3. Hamilton
4. Verstappen
5. Ricciardo
6. Bottas
7. Hulkenberg
8. Alonso
9. Grosjean
10. Vandoorne

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Vettel
First retirement: Massa
ROTR: Williams
IIDOTR: Alonso
DBTMOTR: Perez
MLP: Ocon
DNS: -

[RAK]

2017 Carbon Fibre Folded A Thousand Times Grand Prix

1) Vettel
2) Hamilton
3) Raikkonen
4) Ricciardo
5) Bottas
6) Ocon
7) Hulkenberg
8) Massa
9) Perez
10) Grosjean

Pole: Vettel
Fastest Lap: Raikkonen
First Retirement: Verstappen
ROTR: Sauber
IIDOTR: Ocon
DBTMOTR: Palmer
MLP: Ocon
DNQ: None

[mario]

1. Vettel
2. Hamilton
3. Räikönnen
4. Ricciardo
5. Verstappen
6. Bottas
7. Ocon
8. Hulkenberg
9. Perez
10. Vandoorne

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Verstappen
First retirement: Sainz
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Williams
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Vandoorne
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Palmer
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): None

[CarloSpace]

The best Formula One race that Grand Prix racing has ever produced

1. Sebastian Vettel
2. Kimi Räikkönen
3. Daniel Ricciardo
4. Lewis Hamilton
5. Fernando Alonso
6. Valtteri Bottas
7. Sergio Perez
8. Nico Hülkenberg
9. Stoffel Vandoorne
10. Esteban Ocon

Pole Position: Sebastian Vettel
Fastest lap: Sebastian Vettel
First retirement: Max Verstappen
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Max Verstappen
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Fernando Alonso
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Jolyon Palmer
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Esteban Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): Kevin Magnussen

[Rob Dylan]

It's starting to get towards those final few races in the predicaments championship, and though our leader has a gap to his rivals, it is being slowly but surely closed in on. As the end of the season gets closer, it's getting more tense, and this race was interesting in that regard.

Results
1. Ugncreativeusergname 17
- Aislabie 17
3. tommykl 16
- Normal32 16
5. Ataxia 15
- dr-baker 15
7. This Could Be You 14
8. pasta_maldonado 13
9. FullMetalJack 12
- mario 12
11. Simtek 11
- Aguvazk 11
- RAK 11
- CarloSpace 11
15. Enforcer 10
- yannicksamlad 10
17. Rob Dylan 7
18. Dexter249 6
- TheFlyingCaterham 6
20. peteroli34 2

Ugncreativeusergname and Aislabie share the win this weekend. This marks the former's third win this season, and as a result we may just have a late contender for the championship if this consistency is kept up! The latter takes their second win this season, with the first having been all the way back in China, when they took the lead in round two. Both Ugncreativeusergname and tommykl close in on Mario, our championship leader, by five and four points respectively. With four rounds to go, tommykl certainly has an easier chance of catching Mario, but anything can happen in the championship. Fullmetaljack wins the funniest alternative race title. Here are the standings:

Standings
1. Mario 252
2. Tommykl 241
3. Ugncreativeusergname 228
4. Enforcer 221
5. dr-baker 221
6. RAK 208
7. Aislabie 207
8. This Could Be You 202
9. CarloSpace 199
10. CoopsII 180
11. Aguvazk 159
12. Rob Dylan 155
13. AdrianBelmonte_ 133
14. Dj_bereta 130
15. Ataxia 109
16. Yannicksamlad 98
17. pi314159 93
18. peteroli34 93
19. Watka 91
20. Normal32 88
----
21. Dexter249 40
22. Simtek 39
23. pasta_maldonado 39
24. RedEyes504 39
25. takagi_for_the_win 37
26. Miguel98 35
27. TheFlyingCaterham 34
28. Bleu 29
29. mash 28
30. FullMetalJack 27
31. Reject_Dom 21
32. andrew 16
33. Dartanian 12
34. DemocalypseNow 11
- IceG 11
36. dinizintheoven 10
37. golic_2004 7
38. Gonzalez 6

See you next time for the American round of the predicament predictions championship!