Predicament Predictions - 2013 New Jersey Grand Prix

[TomWazzleshaw]

I know it's Thursday but it's better late than never. Deadline is the conclusion of FP3 as always:

Mad Uncle Wizzie's Predictions
2013 Faux New York Grand Prix

1. Sutil
2. Raikkonen
3. Bottas
4. Ricciardo
5. Vergne
6. Massa
7. Hamilton
8. Button
9. Bianchi
10. Hulkenberg

Pole: Sutil
Fastest Lap: Raikkonen
First Retirement: Gutierrez/Vettel/Webber/Maldonado/Alonso
ROTR: Gutierrez - Throws away top 5 qualifying position by triggering the first corner mayham
IIDOTR: Sutil - GLASSYGACHOTWINSLOL
Deadbeat teammate of the race: Di Resta
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: Grosjean (Crashes in Q1, is allowed to start the race)

[CoopsII]

Sutil? Its a bit early to be drinking.

[Alextrax52]

Go on then i'll have a go

2013 ANDYNEATEWINSLOL Grand Prix

1 Andy Neate
2 Vergne
3 Rosberg
4 Webber
5 Pic
6 Grosjean
7 Bottas
8 Bianchi
9 Sutil
10 Alonso

Pole: Vergne
Fastest Lap: Sutil
First Retirement: Di Resta
ROTR: Di Resta (For being a big baby about running 19th before quitting)
IIDOTR: Andy Neate
DBTMOTR: Vettel (15th while Webber is 4th)
MLP: Van der Garde
DNQ: Heidfeld Irvine Whitmarsh
Alex Yoong Award: Chilton

[RonDenisDeletraz]

Hope this isn't for points

[Alextrax52]

Hope this isn't for points

The only points i seem to win on these predictions is the MLP (Usually a safe bet it will be Bottas) predicting who might DNQ (Usually no one) And who might be winning the Alex Yoong award (In the dry you've got a 1/4 chance of winning the points) I've just gone all out to win the points

[Zetec]

I'm sorry to ask, but did I miss something? Someone trying to be funny?

[RonDenisDeletraz]

Someone trying to be funny?

Pretty much, the same thing happened in Bahrain 2011

[TomWazzleshaw]

Hope this isn't for points

No, it won't. It's mostly for bragging rights to see who gets closest to whatever results our collective deranged minds can come up with

Someone trying to be funny?

Pretty much, the same thing happened in Bahrain 2011

It's the beginning of an F1 Rejects tradition where we take cancelled races and turn them into the best race all year

[FMecha]

FMecha's joke prediction
2013 Another York Grand Prix

1. Bottas
2. Binachi
3. Raikkonen
4. Pic
5. Chilton
6. van der Garde
7. Maldonado (DSQ)
8. Grosjean (DSQ)
9. [vacant]
10. [vacant]

Pole: Vettel
Fastest Lap: Raikkonen
First Retirement: Anyone other Marussia, Caterham, Williams and Lotus due to tyre protests
ROTR: Maldonado and Grosjean
IIDOTR: Bottas
Deadbeat teammate of the race: vd Garde
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: None, but anyone else goes on strike due to tyre protest

[mario]

Someone trying to be funny?

Pretty much, the same thing happened in Bahrain 2011

Which is why the only thing that it is probably safe to predict will happen will be the taking of a considerable amount of a certain bodily fluid (I am sure you can guess which phrase I am referring to but, since this is a family forum, I'll refrain from repeating it in full).

[takagi_for_the_win]

Takagi's predictions

2013 I have nothing to do with my time Grand Prix

1. Bianchi
2. Heidfeld
3. Barrichello
4. Schumacher
5. Bottas
6. Vettel and Webber, sharing the same car
7. di Resta
8. Maldonado
9. Grosjean
10. Button

Pole: Bruno Senna
Fastest lap: Alesi
First retirement: de Cesaris
ROTR: de Cesaris (throws away a 90 second lead by hittig the wall on the last lap)
IIDOTR: Bernie Ecclestone
DBTMOTR: Max Mosely
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: Well not Bernie this time

[Aerospeed]

JeremyMcClean's Predictions
2013 New Jersey GP
1. Vettel
2. Alonso
3. Raikkonen
4. Hamilton
5. Webber
6. Rosberg
7. Massa
8. Di Resta
9. Grosjean
10. Button

Pole: Rosberg
Fastest Lap: Vettel
First DNF: Maldonado
ROTR: Caterham
IIDOTR: Raikkonen
DBTMOTR: Grosjean
MLP: Gutierrez
DNQ: None

Double Points Please

[Meatwad]

Meatwad's predictions
1. González (replaces Chilton at Marussia)
2. Bianchi
3. Chilton (replaces Alonso (who accidentally shaved off his eyebrows) at Ferrari)
4. Ricciardo
5. Bottas
6. Old Navajo (as Don Pentecost's team mate, replacing Mercedes)
7. Nissany (replaces Maldonado who is frustrated with the awful pace of the Williams car)
8. Van der Garde
9. Pérez
10. Paffett (replaces Button who missed the flight)

Pole: Van der Garde
Fastest lap: Pic
First retirement: Vettel, Webber, Massa, Grosjean, Räikkönen, Sutil, Di Resta, Vergne, Pentecost (Grosjean causes a pileup)
ROTR: Alonso (misses race after eyebrow shaving accident)
IIDOTR: González (qualifies fifth and wins on debut)
DBTMOTR: Massa (retires on first lap while Chilton gets third)
MLP: González
DNQ: Pentecost (does a one-off entry in 1997 MasterCard Lola as Mercedes is excluded for one race, starts illegally from the pitlane like Hans Heyer)

[andrew2209]

FMecha's joke prediction
2013 Another York Grand Prix

1. Bottas
2. Binachi
3. Raikkonen
4. Pic
5. Chilton
6. van der Garde
7. Maldonado (DSQ)
8. Grosjean (DSQ)
9. [vacant]
10. [vacant]

Pole: Vettel
Fastest Lap: Raikkonen
First Retirement: Anyone other Marussia, Caterham, Williams and Lotus due to tyre protests
ROTR: Maldonado and Grosjean
IIDOTR: Bottas
Deadbeat teammate of the race: vd Garde
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: None, but anyone else goes on strike due to tyre protest

How the hel ldo Maldonado and Grosjean get disqualified?

[UncreativeUsername37]

1. Maldonado (Catalunya/Abu Dhabi-style random boost of form)
2. Alonso
3. d'Ambrosio (Raikkonen doesn't care enough to show up for a race that doesn't exist)
4. Rosberg
5. Davidson (controversial comments about the tyre test see Hamilton rested for a race)
6. Hulkenberg
7. Bianchi
8. Kovalainen (P2 brake failure sees Pic injured)
9. Ma (P2 brake failure sees van der Garde injured)

Pole: Vettel
Fastest lap: Ma
First retirement: Webber, Massa, Button, Perez, Grosjean, Sutil, di Resta (pileup caused by Grosjean) (Gutierrez, Vergne, Ricciardo, Bottas, Chilton later eliminated the same lap by an early-braking Guti at the hairpin) (Vettel: mid-race alternator failure)
ROTR: Neil Horan
IIDOTR: Marussia
DBTMOTR: Grosjean
MLP: Bianchi
DNQ: Everyone but the Marussias and Caterhams; torrential rain before anyone else is willing to go out in Q1 (grid decided by car number)

[Salamander]

Sutil? Its a bit early to be drinking.

#ThisIsForceIndiasRace

[Alextrax52]

ROTR: Neil Horan

When does Neil Horan make his appearance?

[Onxy Wrecked]

The New Joisey Farce Prix

1. BIANCHI WINS
2. Heldfeld forever second
3. Pic your nose
4. Bottas
5. Sutil
6. I Can't Believe It's Button
7. Flan-ando Alonso
8. Vergne
9. Grosjean
10. Vettel

Pole: Bottas, the weather is perfect for this
Fastest Lap: Chilton
First Retirement: Hulkenberg
ROTR: Webber
IIDOTR: Bianchi Wins LOL
Deadbeat Teammate: Chilton
MLP: Bianchi
DNQ: Pastor Maldonado

[nome66]

They should at least hold a non-championship spec race on the circuit where every current driver is put in a stock Geo Metro. If you're not from the US and A look it up. It's awesome. Everything about the GP weekend would run like a normal weekend. FP1, 2, 3, Q1, 2, 3, race, etc EXCEPT the test drivers will be competing as well. For full points.

[FullMetalJack]

1. Barrichello
2. Dagnall
3. Kobayashi
4. Bottas
5. Sutil
6. Bianchi
7. Maldonado
8. Webber
9. Pic
10. Chilton

Pole: Hulkenberg
Fastest Lap: Grosjean, somehow despite crashing out on the first lap
First Retirement: Grosjean
ROTR: HRT
IIDOTR: Chilton, his point proving he is talent, Talent, TALENT
DBTMOTR: Di Resta
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: Rosset
Alex Yoong Award: Yoong

3. d'Ambrosio (Raikkonen doesn't care enough to show up for a race that doesn't exist)

[Londoner]

East Londoner's Predictions
2013 Old Isle of Jersey Grand Prix.

1. Barrichello
2. Bottas
3. Bernd Maylander
4. Heidfeld
5. Maldonado
6. Gutierrez
7. Chris Amon
8. Tom Chilton
9. Luca Badoer
10. GVDG

Pole: Maylander
Fastest lap: Ralf Schumacher (despite being some 5 laps down after being rammed at the start)
First retirement: Di Resta (parks his car in protest because no-one's taking this race seriously apart from him )
ROTR: Chris Amon (driving a Lotus, he leads for most of the race, but crashes hard two laps from the chequered flag)
IIDOTR: Bernd Maylander
DBTMOTR: Max "Talent" Chilton (beaten by his older brother by absolute miles)
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: Christian Horner, Nelson Piquet Jr, Zetec and Eurobrun's joint entry. Just kidding...

[Hound55]

Hound55's predictions

The Grand Prix that Never Was

1. Gutierrez
2. Maldonado
3. Vergne
4. Raikkonen
5. Perez
6. Alonso
7. BIANCHI
8. Rosberg
9. Grosjean (DNF)
10. Webber (DNF)

Pole: Rosberg
FLAP: Bottas
First Retirement: van derp Garde, Ricciardo, Hamilton, di Resta, Chilton, Hulkenburg (guess who is at fault)
ROTR: Caterham and a family of ducks that postponed FP2 for 20 minutes
IIDOTR: Gutierrez Gutierrez
DBTMOTR: Button
MLP: Gutierrez Gutierrez
DNQ: Massa (crashes in Q1, and the imaginary stewards are even so daft that they refuse to allow him to start)

[go_Rubens]

and a family of ducks that postponed FP2 for 20 minutes

It is the same family of ducks that stopped the IndyCar practice at Belle Isle

Anyway, here is my predictions!

2013 "2001 Drivers Reunion in 2013 cars" GP

1. Barrichello
2. Räikkönen
3. Alesi
4. Heidfeld
5. Alonso
6. R Schumacher
7. Häkkinen
8. Verstappen
9. Bernoldi
10. Mazzacane!

Pole: MSCWINSLOL
Fastest Lap: Barrichello
ROTR: MSC (for starting an avoidable pileup in the Ferrari
IIDOTR: Alonso
DBTMOTR: Häkkinen
MLP: Räikkönen
DNQ: Marques

Since there are 22 cars today, I'll show who is driving for who:

Ferrari
1. M Schumacher
2. R Barrichello

McLaren
3. Häkkinen
4. Coulthard

Williams
5. R Schumacher
6. J Montoya

Lotus (then Benetton)
7. G Fisichella
8. J Button

Mercedes (then BAR)
9. O Panis
10. J Villeneuve

Force India (then Jordan)
11. H Frentzen
12. J Trulli

Caterham (random replacement for Arrows)
14. J Verstappen
15. E Bernoldi

Sauber
16. N Heidfeld
17. K Räikkönen

Red Bull (then Jaguar)
18. E Irvine
19. L Burti

Toro Rosso (then Minardi)
20. Marques
21. Alonso

Marussia (random replacement for Prost)
22. Alesi
23. Mazzacane

[dr-baker]

Someone trying to be funny?

Pretty much, the same thing happened in Bahrain 2011

It's the beginning of an F1 Rejects tradition where we take cancelled races and turn them into the best race all year

And it's the one thread that I have taken on the responsibility for opening (the race discussion thread, that is, not this one...)!

My predictions:

2013 Channel Islands Grand Prix

USF1 enter for the first time with Lopez and Danica Patrick, while Susie Wolff replaces Bottas for one race.

1. Button
2. Patrick
3. Wolff (imagine Button on the podium wiuth these two on either side of him...)
4. Bianchi
5. Chilton
6. Van der Garde
7. Perez
8. Hamilton
9. Rosberg
10. Lopez

Pole: Danicamania
Fastest Lap: Susie Wolff
First Retirement: Grosjean/Maldonado (crash with each other on first lap)
ROTR: Red Bull, obviously (see DNQ below)
IIDOTR: Danica Patrick/Susie Wolff
Deadbeat teammate of the race: Perez
MLP: (hungry like the) Wolff
DNQ: Both Ferraris (technical problems prevent times being set), both Red Bulls (clash with each other several times during Q1, set no times, not allowed to start)

[SeedStriker]

The Mark Sanchez's Butt Fumble Memorial GP

1.-Perez
2.-Hamilton
3.-Raikkonen
4.-Vergne
5.-Sutil
6.-Button
7.-Webber
8.-Massa
9.-Alonso
10.-VDG

Pole: Hulkenberg
FLAP: Ricciardo
First Retirement: Vettel (1st lap pileup thanks to Gutiérrez)
ROTR: Sauber
IIDOTR: VDG
DBTMOTR: EJ Viso (replacing The Reverend)
MLP: Danica Patrick

[go_Rubens]

Someone trying to be funny?

Pretty much, the same thing happened in Bahrain 2011

It's the beginning of an F1 Rejects tradition where we take cancelled races and turn them into the best race all year

The best race all year is what the F1 Rejects Community does in place of a cancelled race!

[Salamander]

It's the beginning of an F1 Rejects tradition where we take cancelled races and turn them into the best race all year

The best race all year is what the F1 Rejects Community does in place of a cancelled race!

That's... kind of exactly what Wizzie said...

[Onxy Wrecked]

Hope this isn't for points

The only points i seem to win on these predictions is the MLP (Usually a safe bet it will be Bottas) predicting who might DNQ (Usually no one) And who might be winning the Alex Yoong award (In the dry you've got a 1/4 chance of winning the points) I've just gone all out to win the points

And usually it's Max Chilton.

[go_Rubens]

Hope this isn't for points

The only points i seem to win on these predictions is the MLP (Usually a safe bet it will be Bottas) predicting who might DNQ (Usually no one) And who might be winning the Alex Yoong award (In the dry you've got a 1/4 chance of winning the points) I've just gone all out to win the points

And usually it's Max Chilton.

The best way to put it is "Look at Onxy Wrecked's sig!" For now.

So when Onxy mods his sig again, I will write it down. "Chilton is the Gaston Mazzacane of our times which is painfully slow."

[RonDenisDeletraz]

Chilton has only qualified 22nd once, it is quite unfair to consider him to be perpetually stuck to 22nd place. I do rate him higher than GVDG in terms of talent

[Klon]

Klon's Predictions
2013 I'm Coming Home I'm Coming Home Tell The World That I'm Coming Home Grand Prix.

1. Räikkönen
2. Massa
3. Gutierrez
4. Bottas
5. Sutil
6. Bianchi
7. Di Resta
8. Perez
9. Hülkenberg
10. van der Garde

Pole: Webber
Fastest Lap: Vettel
First Retirement: Maldonado
ROTR: Vettel (for failing)
IIDOTR: Bianchi (for ruling)
DBTMOTR: Schumacher
MLP: Gutierrez
DNQ: Button
Alex Yoong Award: Button

[CoopsII]

The 2013 No-One-Told-Caterham-It-Was-Cancelled New Jersey Grand Prix

1 - van der Garde
2 - Pic
3 -
4 -
5 -
6 -
7 -
8 -
9 -
10 -

Pole - Pic
Fastest Lap - Pic
ROTR - Pic, beaten by van der Garde after pulling over to buy hotdogs.
IIDOTR - van der Garde, for having his lunch before the race thus negating the need to buy hotdogs.
DBTMOTR - Pic, for prioritising hotdogs over a race win.
MLP - Pic, because I cant remember what MLP is.
DNQ - Hotdogs sellers.

[takagi_for_the_win]

1. Button
2. Patrick
3. Wolff (imagine Button on the podium wiuth these two on either side of him...)

Trust you Baker

The 2013 No-One-Told-Caterham-It-Was-Cancelled New Jersey Grand Prix

1 - van der Garde
2 - Pic
3 -
4 -
5 -
6 -
7 -
8 -
9 -
10 -

Pole - Pic
Fastest Lap - Pic
ROTR - Pic, beaten by van der Garde after pulling over to buy hotdogs.
IIDOTR - van der Garde, for having his lunch before the race thus negating the need to buy hotdogs.
DBTMOTR - Pic, for prioritising hotdogs over a race win.
MLP - Pic, because I cant remember what MLP is.
DNQ - Hotdogs sellers.

Prediction of the year contender right there

[Daxam_Stark]

The Edge of Insanity: New Jersey GP

1. Kovalainen((replaces VDG, who couldn't guess how many licks it took to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop....so Caterham fired VDG.))
2. Glock((replaces Alonso, who was terrified to drive after he was assaulted by an army of Bianchi's ducks wielding fire extinguishers.))
3. De La Rosa((replaces Massa...who was sent to the Shadow Realm.))
4. Pic
5. Petrov((replaces Raikkonen, who couldn't be bothered to turn up.))
6. Sutil
7. Hulkenberg
8. Trulli((replaces Chilton, who had a bad hair day.))
9. Barrichello((replaces Rosberg after Mercedes discover Rubens can make more things explode by 9 am than most people can in a whole day.))
10. Button

Pole: Perez((and was promptly abducted by Daleks.))
Fastest Lap: Button((using the TARDIS))
First Retirement: DiResta((attacked by Mutant Oreos.))
ROTR: Ricciardo((crashed into the Enterprise.))
IIDOTR: Kovalainen((finishes 28 laps ahead of everyone else. Hosts a party in the Caterham garage during an extensive red flag due to Petrov having an epic battle with Sephiroth.))
DBTMOTR: Pic((did not get the cupcakes of forgiveness for Kovalainen after he wrecked Him in FP2.))
MLP: Bottas((despite the fact he was playing Tennis with Mario and Luigi.))
DNQ: Karthikeyan((trolling on Twitter))
Alex Yoong Award: Bianchi((arguing with Charles Pic over a girl.))

[pasta_maldonado]

Everyone's Favourite Pasta's predictions

The 2013 New Jersey: "We ARE better than New York! HONESTLY!!" Grand Prix

1. Button
2. Vergne
3. Raikkonen
4. Hamilton
5. Sutil
6. Bottas
7. Hulkenberg
8. Webber
9. Bianchi
10. Chilton

Pole: Ricciardo
Fastest Lap: Raikkonen
First Retirement: Rossi
ROTR: Sutil (crashes out of lead)
IIDOTR: Vergne
Deadbeat teammate of the race: Ricciardo
MLP: Bottas
DNQ: Rossi (allowed to race)

[PT8475]

2013 Faux New York Grand Prix

1. Chilton
2. Di Resta
3. Bottas
4. Vergne
5. Van Der Garde
6. Bianchi
7. Maldonado
8. Perez
9. Grosjean
10. Guiterrez

Pole: Chilston
Fastest Lap: Chilston
First Retirement: Vettel
ROTR: Vettel - Makes mistakes all race and is generally pretty awful.
IIDOTR: Webber - Jumps from 21st to 20th at the start.
Deadbeat teammate of the race: Bianchi
DNQ: Vettel

[Nuppiz]

Right. The main thread for this race was already becoming rather ridiculous, and I really don't see the point in making predictions for a race where it's apparently possible for the entries to change completely.

So I've moved this topic here, in the PMMF, which is the right place for completely fantasy things like this. The final nail in the coffin was that no thread like this existed for the 2011 Bahrain GP, so neither should the 2013 New Jersey GP have one.

[dr-baker]

Fair call, Nuppiz.

[go_Rubens]

I agree with this. Fair argument.