Grand Prix Rejects

Welcome to the 2017 Emirates Dubai United Arab Emirates Emirates Grand Prix Predicament Predictions!

The season's grand finale, this is where we find out who shall be the predicament champion of 2017, and the final standings shall be settled. The top three come the end of this race shall receive three individual grand prizes handpicked by mig själv, your beautiful host Rob Dylan Good luck everyone - I want to see some top predictions!

1. Lance Stroll
2. Pierre Gasly
3. Brendon Hartley
4. Kimi Räikkönen
5. Robert Kubica
6. Will Stevens
7. Carlos Sainz Jr.
8. Felipe Massa
9. Norberto Fontana
10. Jenson Button

Pole Position: Sebastian Vettel
Fastest lap: Kimi Räikkönen
First retirement: Lewis Hamilton
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Mercedes - probably take each other off, to start a rivalry that will see a 2018 shitshow.
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Lance Stroll punching Max Verstappen (after the latter said something nasty about his mother)
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Nico Hulkenberg
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Lance Stroll obvs
Did Not Start (DNS): Fernando Alonso

If you are participating and haven't used double points yet, I am going to activate them for you. A point as usual will be handed to the participant with the funniest alternative race title. The candidates for Minor League Premiership this weekend are: Esteban Ocon, Lance Stroll, Stoffel Vandoorne, Pierre Gasly, Brendon Hartley.

grand prix of i know you don't like the track do we have to go through this every single year
1. Hamilton
2. Vettel
3. Bottas
4. Räikkönen
5. Verstappen
6. Ricciardo
7. Ocon
8. Pérez
9. Massa
10. Sainz

Pole: Hamilton
FL: Vettel
First retirement: Stroll
ROTR: Stroll
IIDOTR: Gasly
DBTMOTR: Stroll
MLP: Ocon
DNS: nah

2017 "Aba Nibi" Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Vettel
3. Verstappen
4. Bottas
5. Ricciardo
6. Räikkönen
7. Ocon
8. Pérez
9. Massa
10. Alonso

Pole: Hamilton
FL: Räikkönen
First retirement: Wehrlein
ROTR: Stroll (he crashed into Wehrlein)
IIDOTR: Hartley
DBTMOTR: Räikkönen
MLP: Ocon
DNS: nada

I wish they had a flat out run into that hairpin.

1. Lewis Hamilton
2. Max Verstappen
3. Sebastian Vettel
4. Daniel Ricciardo
5. Valtteri Bottas
6. Kimi Raikkonen
7. Esteban Ocon
8. Carlos Sainz
9. Sergio Perez
10. Nico Hulkenberg

Pole - Lewis Hamilton
FLap - Lewis Hamilton
Retirement - Romain Grosjean
ROTR - Haas
IIDOTR - Brendon Hartley
DBTMOTR - Lance Stroll
MLP - Esteban Ocon

2017 "Oil Baron" Grand Prix
1. Stroll
2. Gasly
3. Kimi
4. Vettel
5. Kubica
6. Stoffel
7. Sainz Jr.
8. Massa
9. Fontana
10. Jenson Button

Pole : Vettel
Fastest Lap : Kimi
First Retirement : Hamilton and Bottas take each other out on the pace lap.
ROTR : Mercederp
IIDOTR : Lance Stroll, Canada 150 Celebrations get even crazier.
DBTMOTR : Mercedes Engineers.
MLP : Stroll (OBVIOUSLY)
DNS : Alonso, Getting taken out the car after practice and Vandoorne getting called to replace him.

2017 Abby Yabby Dabby Doodle Dandy Grand Prix of Abu Dhabi

1. Lewis Hamilton
2. Sebastien Vettel
3. Valterri Bottas
4. Felipe Massa
5. Kimi Raikkonen
6. Esteban Ocon
7. Daniel Ricciardo
8. Max Verstappen
9. Sergio Perez
10. Carlos Sainz

Pole Position: Lewis Hamilton
Fastest lap: Felipe Massa
First retirement: Pascal Wehrlein
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Sebastien Vettel
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Felipe Massa
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Brendon Hartley
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Esteban Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): Daniil Kvyat. Jenson Button. Joylon Palmer. Paul di Resta. Antonio Giovinazzi. Bernd Maylander.

dr-baker wrote:Bernd Maylander.

What if you fail this one?

AdrianBelmonte_ wrote:

dr-baker wrote:Bernd Maylander.

What if you fail this one?

I will argue that he was not in an F1 machine and therefore shouldn't count.

McHonda's Last GP (and with Alonso's luck, the last before Honda becomes competitive)
1. HAM
2. VET
3. BOT
4. VER
5. RIC
6. OCO
7. PER
8. ALO
9. HUL
10. SAI
Pole: Hamilton
F. Lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Hartley
RoTR: Williams
IIDoTR: Alonso
DBToTR: Grosjean
MLP: Ocon
DNS: Nope, Honda's reliable now

2017 Dead Rubber Grand Prix

1) Hamilton
2) Vettel
3) Bottas
4) Verstappen
5) Ricciardo
6) Raikkonen
7) Perez
8) Ocon
9) Alonso
10) Hulkenberg

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest Lap: Hamilton
First Retirement: Ericsson
ROTR: Abu Dhabi - for being boring and soulless as always, to add to the pointlessness of this race for many drivers
IIDOTR: Hartley
DBTMOTR: Vandoorne
MLP: Ocon
DNQ: None

Well, it's time for that one race where most people collectively seem to shrug their shoulders and go "eh, whatever".

1. Hamilton
2. Vettel
3. Ricciardo
4. Räikkönen
5. Bottas
6. Verstappen
7. Perez
8. Hulkenberg
9. Ocon
10. Alonso

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Verstappen
First retirement: Grosjean
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Grosjean
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Perez
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Grosjean
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): None

What the hell, it's the last race of the year and, in a desperate attempt to avoid last place in the championship (which, in the real standings, is going to Jenson Button) I will go for a last-ditch double-points round. Should have done that first time, really...

The 2017 "Last F1 race of the season on a very rejectful and somewhat M-shaped circuit in a land with far too much money for its own good and in the middle of a scorching lot desert, does this remind anyone of anything, not least an article written some years ago but only now republished on Grand Prix Rejects, something something slot machines something something fat old Elvis with a peanut butter & lard cheeseburger (uh-huh-huh) something something fat bloke called Johnny from Oop North something something wait a minute, aren't Formula E running races around car parks these days in Templehof Airport? Maybe it wasn't such a completely barmy idea after all" Grand Prix

And in a desperate bid to inject some excitement into an event that always threatens to be like watching paint dry ("at last, a video for people like me!" - John Major), here are the predictions for this absurdly-named race in the style of an excitable Brazilian football commentator:

1. LEWIS, LEWIS, LEWIS HAMILTON DA GRÃ-BRETANHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
2. SEBASTIAN, SEBASTIAN, SEBASTIAN VETTEL DA ALEMANHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
3. VALTTERI, VALTTERI, VALTTERI BOTTAS DA FINLÂNDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
4. MAX, MAX, MAX VERSTAPPEN DOS PAÍSES BAIXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS
5. KIMI, KIMI, KIMI RÄIKKÖNEN DA FINLÂNDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
6. DANIEL, DANIEL, DANIEL RICCIARDO DA AUSTRÁLIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
7. SERGIO, SERGIO, SERGIO PÉREZ DO MÉXICOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
8. ESTEBAN, ESTEBAN, ESTEBAN OCON DA FRANÇAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
9. NICO, NICO, NICO HÜLKENBERG DA ALEMANHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
10. FELIPE, FELIPE, FELIPE MASSA DO BRASIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!

Pole Position: eh, whatever, Hamilton
Fastest lap: eh, whatever, Hamilton again
First retirement: eh, whatever, Grosjean
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Grosjean, more for moaning about his retirement over the team radio
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): "we all raced with open cockpits all season and nobody was injured" - but other than that... er... Hülk for at least keeping Renault ahead of Haas...
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): we've got rid of all the dead wood by now, haven't we? Whatever, Rrrrrrrmmmnnn Grrrrrrjjjjn again, the only retirement of the race
Minor League Premiership (MLP): by default, Ocon - who'd pretty much won this for the season the moment it turned out that the Pink Panther wasn't the dud that it first looked
Did Not Start (DNS): nobody... oh, wait, Alonso, one last DNS for Honda before the nightmare ends

Sure, it's barely a surprise anything in there, but it's the end of the season, we know everything by now, right?

And DNQ: the inescapable fact that, after this race, the drivers will spend the next year, or some years, looking through one of Mark da Shark's flippy de flops (dat he walks trough da desert in, 'cos 'e is well 'ard, innit) before Liberty Media grab the bull by the horns, F1 goes full closed-cockpit and the cars look more like narrow LMP1 cars. Though by that time it'll be pay-TV only and nobody will be watching anyway.

Contractually-obligated predictions for the final race in the hope of winning some kind of prize

1. Vettel
2. Hamilton
3. Ricciardo
4. Räikkönen
5. Verstappen
6. Ocon
7. Pérez
8. Sainz
9. Magnussen
10. Hülkenberg

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Ricciardo
First retirement: Gasly
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Bottas
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Magnussen
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Grosjean
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): no one

1. Raikkonen
2. Vettel
3. Hamilton
4. Ricciardo
5. Verstappen
6. Bottas
7. Ocon
8. Sainz
9. Alonso
10. Hülkenberg

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Verstappen
First retirement: Gasly
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Bottas
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Sainz
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Vandoorne
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS):

2017 I can't compete with dinizintheowen GP

1. Hamilton
2. Vettel
3. Bottas
4. Verstappen
5. Räikkönen
6. Pérez
7. Ocon
8. Sainz Jr.
9. Alonso
10. Stroll

Pole Position: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Ricciardo
Reject of the Race (ROTR): Grosjean
Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race (IIDOTR): Stroll
Deadbeat Teammate of the Race (DBTMOTR): Massa
Minor League Premiership (MLP): Ocon
Did Not Start (DNS): None

CarloSpace wrote:2017 I can't compete with dinizintheowen GP

Console yourself that I've only managed to get one driver in the right finishing place. And the one driver who didn't let me down? FELIPE, FELIPE, FELIPE MASSA DO BRASIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*deep breath*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Now a serious point, which can hopefully be answered before this championship is wrapped up: how is it decided who is Deadbeat Teammate Of The Race? Is it, by default, whoever finishes the most places behind the other car? AT least with ROTR and IIDOTR we get a vote on that and can see who it is.

For each race it's simply the driver the most number of places behind their teammate in the classification. Two points, or if it's a tie, then one place for the candidates. But there haven't been any ties this year (haven't checked Abu Dhabi yet obviously but I will do soon).

And that wraps up the final race of the 2017 Predicament Predictions season, folks! <insert horns, God Save the Queen, etc.>

We have a winner of the final race, and a championship winner. First of all, the race:

1. dinizintheoven 36* **
2. RAK 14
- tommykl 14
4. mario 13
5. Ugncreativeusergname 12
- Aislabie 12
- Aguvazk 12
- CarloSpace 12
9. AdrianBelmonte_ 11
- This Could Be You 11
11. dr-baker 10
12. Dexter249 6*
13. Rob Dylan 3
*used double points
**best funniest alternative race title

In a triumphant return after only participating in one race this season, dinizintheoven wins in Abu Dhabi! The main championship contenders and front-runners all score similar levels of points, which means that the championship has been sown up, with the final standings now decided.

Super Ultra Mega Official Final Standings
1. Mario 324
2. Tommykl 292
3. Ugncreativeusergname 280
4. dr-baker 277
5. RAK 266
6. CarloSpace 260
7. Enforcer 254
8. This Could Be You 249
9. Aislabie 244
10. Aguvazk 215
11. Rob Dylan 198
12. CoopsII 180
13. AdrianBelmonte_ 168
14. Yannicksamlad 136
15. Dj_bereta 130
16. Normal32 110
17. Ataxia 109
18. peteroli34 106
19. pi314159 93
20. Watka 91
21. Dexter249 67
22. dinizintheoven 46
23. takagi_for_the_win 44
24. Simtek 39
25. pasta_maldonado 39
26. RedEyes504 39
27. Miguel98 35
28. TheFlyingCaterham 34
29. Bleu 29
30. mash 28
31. FullMetalJack 27
32. IceG 24
33. Reject_Dom 21
34. The Chicane 17
35. andrew 16
36. golic_2004 13
37. Dartanian 12
38. DemocalypseNow 11
39. Gonzalez 6

So Mario is the 2017 Predicament Predictions Champion! <Further fanfare; trumpets> Tommykl finishes runner-up, with Ugncreativeusergname is the final player on the predicaments rostrum. In the end, tommy couldn't overhaul the huge points advantage Mario held going into the race, but he can hardly be disappointed with himself, scoring as well as he has this year. All of these folks will receive grand prizes of varying levels dependant on their championship positions. I'll be PM'ing them later for details, and they'll soon be receiving awards befitting their efforts this season.

----

I just want to say, without getting too emotional, that it has been an honour to host the Predicament Predictions Championship this year for the first time. It had a hiatus in 2016, and I wanted to revive it in and keep it going myself, because it's not all that much effort, and little things like this are what kept F1Rejects and what keeps GPRejects being my favourite part of the F1 community. It's silly and it's all a bit of fun, but if we all contribute in our own little ways, this site will continue to be the wonderful group it is.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the championship this year, and thanks to all the members of the GPRejects forum for being just generally awesome

See you in 2018...

Rob Dylan wrote:And that wraps up the final race of the 2017 Predicament Predictions season, folks! <insert horns, God Save the Queen, etc.>

We have a winner of the final race, and a championship winner. First of all, the race:

[b]1. dinizintheoven 36* **

Håååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååååpla!

On top even if I hadn't used the double points? Gaining 16 championship places in a single race? Beat that, Max Verstappen! I should probably do this more often.